Do you ever have them moments when you just stop. Look around. And think my god how did I end up like this? A long, long time ago I gave a shit i cared about what was going to happen. But now I think I have come to the conclusion of take each day as it comes. It would be sooo much easier if life was how you wanted it to be, if you could make your own descions and not have to think about the ripple of things that come with it.
He clearly doesn't want to talk to me or else he would text me? Isnt that what they say, if they wanted to talk to you they would? Hmmm that really doesnt help me feel any better in this situation, how does this all happen? A million things running through my head at this moment in time, is he having doubts? Can he take having a grown up realtionship? Can he even handle the idea of being with someone who actually cares about him, wants to be with him?
I dont know. I dont think i ever will know.
Why does this always happen?

I feel so odd lately, i feel happy but so hidden at the same time. I never know what to do with my self. Im incredibly stressed and I am just want it to all go away I cant handle it all at once, i just get to emotional and it all comes out at once. I have everything I need now, the friends the family the boyfriend but im just not comfurtable with my self at all. Such low confidence is the problem, god im worried about going into an exam with a bunch of people in the year below ! Never used to be like this, just the confidence has been knocked. Looking at people and thinking god damm it why cant I be like them? And thinking why am I so useless? Even though people think im confident as im always opening my mouth and getting my self into trouble thats just habbit. I just hate feeling all cooped up inside and so useless. Its just a big huffle and something I try not to think about to be honest as it just goes around and around, have you ever thought about something so much and then actually confused your self with the thinking? Do it all the time.

This weekend started with a high and finished with a high, with a little hiccup inbetween. I spent the night with my two favourite girls and the friends which I have feeling I could be seeing alot more of, it was filled with plenty of laughs and made me realise how good I feel right now, and how much im enjoying life even if i have the odd bit of coursework bringing me down. The end of the weekend was just realxing and what I really needed before a busy week; a good old shop, a cuddle with the boyfriend and a natter with my best friend couldnt get better really could it?